# “FRASIER:” Hello in there Cliff. Tell me, what color is the sky in your world? speaker (53 K .wav)
# “FRASIER:” Well I don’t…I mean…I…I do… I…I…I nev. I WILL NOT BE GRILLED LIKE A COMMON CRIMINAL! speaker (48 K .wav)
# (Lilith and Nanny G are on the floor fighting over Frasier)
“FRASIER:” You know, I’m going to suffer for this tomorrow, but today, right now, at this exact moment, I am the happiest man on Earth!
# “CLIFF:” Well, I should have expected it. I mean the Clavins never fire blanks. We’re breeders, spawners .. my loins are brimming with vitality!
“FRASIER:” Well, I’ll never eat again, anybody else?
# “CLIFF:” How’s married life treating ya’? Quite a change, huh?
“FRASIER:” Well, Lilith and I did live together for a year before we wed, so other than the fact that I now see it stretching endlessly before me until I die, rotting in the grave there’s no real difference.
# (Lilith about to leave Frasier to live with Dr. Pascal in the Ecopod)
“FRASIER:” Well, this will be a big hit on the cocktail party circuit. ‘Say Frase, where’s your lovely wife tonight? Well Bob, she’s underneath the Earth’s crust with her BOYFRIEND! What’s new with you?’.
# LILITH: I said goodbye to Frederick this afternoon. He loves the thought of mommy going off to live in a big bubble.
“FRASIER:” I’m sure this will be a special memory for him that he will relive over and over again in the YEARS of his PSYCHONALYSIS.
# “FRASIER:” Well I applaud your bravery, but I must say I thought we had advanced beyond the notion that a real man risks his life in pointless confrontations with death. I thought, we had pretty much accepted, that a real man is someone who makes gobs and gobs of money, like ME. Well, see ya’ later, SISTERS!
# “LILITH:” Yes I read the letter, you licentious quack, and what facile tripe it is! “We both need time to grow, to develop as people.” Who is the slut?!
“FRASIER:” She’s no slut! .. Uh, what slut? speaker (124 K .wav)
# “FRASIER:” You know, I’ve seen this sort of thing a lot.
“”REBECCA:”” What, people buying houses for no good reason?
“FRASIER:” No, desperate women like you, grabbing at straws.
# “FRASIER:” Hello, Rebecca. Why do I suddenly feel nervous as a school boy. Well let me, let me come directly to the point by telling you that you couldn’t have chosen a more opportune moment to declare your feelings. Let me assure you the feeling is mutual. I’ve just recently rid myself of an entanglement. I find myself free to ask you if you would like to join me for dinner?
“REBECCA:” Who are you?
“FRASIER:” Oh God!! What have I done!
“WOODY:”(as Frasier runs for the door)– Leaving so soon Dr. Crane?
“FRASIER:” Yes, I’ve got to convince the woman that I love that I’m not a complete ass!
“WOODY:” Good luck!
# “FRASIER:” Yup, that’s me. Whipped and proud of it. speaker (30 K .wav)
# “FRASIER:” Roger, please! I’m a psychiatrist, you’re a minister; we’re both professional men, we’re in the business of helping people. Don’t make me hit you! speaker (71 K .wav)
# “FRASIER:” Calling Doctor Daniels … Doctor Jack Daniels. Speaker (25K .wav)
# “CLIFF:” Hey Doc, ah, what do you think the toughest thing to cut through is?
“FRASIER:” Your unending bull.
# “CLIFF:” It’s been scientifically proven that women are more attracted to married men.
“FRASIER:” The whole notion is ridiculous. Look I’ll prove it to you. See those two attractive young females over there. I’ll go over and hit on them relentlessly, all the while displaying my wedding ring. Let’s see how long it takes them to give me the cold shoulder. … Hi. You two ladies need some company? Oh sure I’m married, but you know I’m not dead! I figure..
(the door opens and the gang runs to the pool room)
“FRASIER:” Lilith is here, isn’t she?
# “FRASIER:” In this case, I’m afraid I must agree with Rebecca.
“REBECCA:” Thank you, Dr. Crane.
“FRASIER:” Well, it’s not for your dollar grubbing, ya know, front office, kissy face reasons…
# “SAM:” (on phone holding beer mug up to his face):
Hello, this is Anton Kreitzer! I’m calling about the Corvette you bought from a Mr. Sam Malone! Yeah, well GIVE IT BACK RIGHT NOW!!! …. No. No. No. Whoa! Whoa! Don’t hang up, don’t hang up it’s not Kreitzer it’s Sam. Come one I want my car back, please. Listen I’m having sellers remorse. Listen, I’ll tell ya’ what – I’ll pay you five hundred more than you bought it for. All right, wait wait wait … I’ll pay you 1,000 more than you bought it for.
“FRASIER:” Excuse me Sam … As a trained Psychiatrist and well versed in the art of human persuasion, I think I can handle this for you. (takes phone) LILITH DAMNIT GIVE SAM HIS CAR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!!
# “FRASIER:” Oh joy, Christmas Eve. By this time tomorrow millions of Americans … knee deep in tinsel and wrapping paper will utter those heartfelt words ‘Is this all I got?’