# “REBECCA:” You know, I really think I CAN put together a great Thanksgiving dinner. This will be the second one that I cooked and BELIEVE ME the first one was not the disaster that my family said it was .. those kids had a pretty good time in that ambulance.
# “SAM:” That was easy. Wait. Let’s try some more compromises, here. Um, I want to sleep with you 25 times, but you don’t want to sleep with me at all, am I right?
“SAM:” OK, so what’s half of 25?
“REBECCA:” Your IQ.
# “REBECCA:” I have someone who is very special to me, but he wouldn’t notice me if I set fire to my hair.
“LILITH:” (gesturing to Sam)– Him?
“REBECCA:” (giggles) No, definitely not him. I prefer the Fortune 500 type. One who owns blocks, not one who plays with blocks.
# (Enter Rebecca – Sam and Woody are looking at Sam’s watch)
“REBECCA:” Good evening everyone. … I have just left a seminar that has changed my life. In a few short hours I have become the essence of self assertiveness.
“EVERYONE:” Five.. Four.. Three. Two.. One.. (Sam rings bell and mass hoopla ensues)
“REBECCA:” What’s going on? What’s going on? Hey, I work in this place, what’s happening? (everyone still whoops it up)
“REBECCA:” (whistles to get their attention) If somebody doesn’t tell me what’s going on, I’m going to start crying!
# “SAM:” Sammy is still Sammy. Babes are still babes and I don’t need a fancy car to catch them… Fella’s twins ahoy. Hello lovely ladies can I help you?
“TWIN 1:” Are you the man we just saw getting out of a Volare out front?
“SAM:” A little passion beige number, could be.. could be.
“TWIN 2:” My God, it was him and he admitted it.
“REBECCA:” I wonder who your Corvette’s dating tonight.
# “REBECCA:” Let’s play a little guessing game. I just spoke to Mr. Drake and he suggested that I hire a young girl he knows, to cover for Carla. Now, why do you suppose a busy, important man like Mr. Drake would take time out of his day to get a simple cocktail waitress a job?
“NORM:” She’s uh.. she’s a friend of the family.
“CLIFF:” He’s paying off a debt.
“WOODY:” He feels sorry for her.
“SAM:” Maybe she’s sleeping with him.
“REBECCA:” OF COURSE SHE’S SLEEPING WITH HIM! DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID?
# “SAM:” Listen, have you ever thought that your reading this whole thing wrong .. that maybe she is just a four eyed little geek that Evan Drake is trying to help out.
“REBECCA:” Right, and Cliff is leaving his brain to science.
“CLIFF:” I guess your still covering for Carla, huh?
“REBECCA:” Guess again.
# “WOMAN:” Excuse me, is Ms. Howe here? Mr. Drake sent me.
“REBECCA:” Oh, you must be the SLUT!
“WOMAN:” Excuse me.
“REBECCA:” Slot. You must be here to fill the slot.
# “REBECCA:” The NERVE of that man saying I have an emotional problem. I’d like to meet him in a dark alley with a cleaver!
# “NORM:” Rebecca, has it ever ocurred to you that maybe the reason you always lose is because you think your going to lose.
“REBECCA:” Oh, don’t give me that crap! I tried that positive thinking stuff, and I knew it wouldn’t work and sure enough it didn’t!