A good start:
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where–” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“–so long as I get SOMEWHERE,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”
And here are some good advice on life: From the Duchess (in Wonderland):
“If everybody minded their own business,” the Duchess said, in a hoarse growl, “the world would go round a deal faster than it does”.
From the Mad Hatter (AIW):
“If you knew Time as well as I do,” said the Hatter, “you wouldn’t talk about wasting IT. It’s HIM.”
Some philosophy from Twidledee (Through the Looking Glass):
“You won’t make yourself a bit realer by crying.”
From the Red Queen (TTLG):
“It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.”
How about this one, it will make you sound real deep and intelligent:
‘Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that you were or might have been not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.’
And a nice quote, for general use (TTLG):
“It’s as large as life, and twice as natural!”
An angry queen
On reason, nonsense and sanity…
Here’s a famous one (AIW):
“Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” thought Alice; “but a grin without a cat! It’s the most curious thing I ever saw in all my life!”
A mad tea party:
“Take some more tea,” the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
“I’ve had nothing yet,” Alice replied in an offended tone: “so I can’t take more.”
“You mean you can’t take LESS,” said the Hatter: “it’s very easy to take MORE than nothing.”
One of my all-time favorites (I believe it has something to do with quantum physics…):
“If any one of them can explain it,” said Alice, “I’ll give him sixpence. I don’t believe there’s an atom of meaning in it.”
If you think this page is full of nonsense…
The Red Queen shook her head. “You may call it ‘nonsense’ if you like” she said, “but I’ve heard nonsense, compared to which that would be as sensible as a dictionary!”
Alice laughed. “There’s no use trying,” she said: “one CAN’T believe impossible things.”
“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said he Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
Another one of my all-time favorite:
“You couldn’t deny that, even if you tried with both hands.”
“I don’t deny things with my HANDS,” Alice objected.
“Nobody said you did,” said the Red Queen. “I said you couldn’t if you tried.”
A good example of the justice system, and office-efficiency, from AIW:
The executioner’s argument was, that you couldn’t cut off a head unless there was a body to cut it off from; that he had never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn’t going to begin at HIS time of life.
The King’s argument was, that anything that had a head could be beheaded, and that you weren’t to talk nonsense.
The Queen’s argument was that, if something wasn’t done about it in no time, she’d have everybody executed, all around. (It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious).
A mad hatter
So you want to be a writer? Here’s some good advice, from AIW:
“Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?” He asked.
“Begin at the beginning,” the King said, very gravely, “and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”
And another one, by Humpty Dumpty (TTLG):
“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.”
“The question is,” said Alice, “whether you CAN make words mean so many different things.”
“The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master — that’s all.”
A Cheshire cat
On the all-importanat Time:
“A slow sort of country!” said the Queen. “Now, HERE, you see, it takes all the running YOU can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that.”
One more in this line:
Alice looked puzzled. “In OUR country,” she remarked, “there’s only one day at a time.”
The Red Queen said “That’s a poor thin way of doing things. Now HERE, we mostly have days and nights two or three at a time, and sometimes in the winter we take as many as five nights together– for warmth, you know.”
And from the King (TTLG):
“Would you — be good enough –” Alice panted out, after running a little further, “to stop a minute — just to get — one’s breath again?”
“I’m GOOD enough,” the King said, “only I’m not STRONG enough. You see, a minute goes by so fearfully quick. You might as well try to stop a Bandersnatch!”
Also from the King:
“I do my best,” the Messenger said in a sullen tone. “I’m sure nobody walks much faster than I do!”
“He can’t do that,” said the King, “or else he’d have been here first.”
An angry queen
Sense and Sensibility
“…only I don’t sing it,” he added, as an explanation.
“I see you don’t,” said Alice.
“If you can SEE whether I’m singing or not, you’ve sharper eyes than most,” Humpty Dumpty remarked severely.
And another from TTLG:
“I see nobody down the road,” said Alice.
“I only wish I had such eyes,” the King remarked in a fretful tone. “To be able to see Nobody! And at that distance too! Why, it’s as much as I can do to see real people, by this light!”
“If that’s all you know about it, you may stand down,” continued the King.
“I can’t go no lower,” said the Hatter; “I’m on the floor, as it is.”
“Then you may SIT down,” the King replied.
How the rich get richer…
“Twopence a week, and jam every other day.”
“Well, I don’t want any to-day, at any rate.”
“You couldn’t have it if you DID want it,” the Queen said. “The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday – but never jam to-day.”
“It MUST come sometimes to ‘jam to-day’,” Alice objected.
“No it can’t,” said the Queen. “It’s jam every OTHER day: to-day isn’t any OTHER day, you know.”