Funny Women Quotes

A beautiful woman is a paradise to the eyes

and a curse to the purse.
~~~
A career woman has to look like a LADY,

act like MAN

and work like a DOG !!
~~~
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A man of quality is never threatened by a woman of equality.
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~NEW !!~

A woman always has the last word

in an argument.

Anything a man says after it

is the beginning of a new argument.
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A woman is like a teabag…

You never know how strong she is

until you dip her in hot water.
~~~
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A woman who seeks to be equal to men lacks ambition.

A woman’s best accessory is a well dressed man.

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s….she changes it more often !!
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~NEW !!~

A woman only needs four animals in her life:

a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed, a mink on her back,

and a jackass to pay for it all !
~~~
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A woman’s place is in control.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
~~~
After God made man…he said

“I can do better that that !”.
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Ashes to ashes,

Dust to dust.

If it weren’t from women…

Men’s things would rust !
~~~
Can you imagine a world without men?

No crime and lots of happy fat women.
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For every woman who makes a fool out of some man;

there’s another who makes a man out of a fool.
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He’s my comfort, my inspiration, my love.

But I am the captain of my soul.
~~~
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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

I don’t have hot flashes….I have power surges !!
~~~
I’d like to be the girl

who used to be me.

(quote from the movie “Shirley Valentine”)
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I have PMS and ESP….

that makes me a b****…

who knows it all…!!
~~~
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If it came out of a woman…you’d better believe it…!!
~~~
If men are God’s gift to women….

God must really like gag gifts !!
~~~
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If sweetness fails and tears don’t work….NAG !!

If the shoe fits, buy it in every color !!

If woman’s work is never done…why start?
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If you can’t dazzle them with diamonds….

then baffle ’em with bull !
~~~
If you want something said…ask a man;

if you want something done….ask a woman.
~~~
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I’m allowed to talk until I’m understood !!
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It is true that God made men before women,

but it also true that he made a rough draft

before a masterpiece.
~~~
It’s the good girls who keep the diaries.

The bad girls never have the time.

(Tallulah Bankhead)
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Man has his will…

But, Woman has her way.
~~~
Men are a collective hallucination of women.

It’s like when a group of crackpots gets together

on a hilltop and sees flying saucers.
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No man is a match for a woman’s tears.
~~~
One of life’s mysteries is how a two pound box of candy

can make a woman gain five pounds.
~~~
She who wants a knight in shining armor….

must clean up after the horse.
~~~
Some people say I’m a grumpy, mean, old witch.

That’s not true.

I have the heart of a kind and gentle soul….

in a jar on my desk.
~~~
Some women dream of a night on the town,

of diamonds, of trips around the world.

Me….

I’d settle for a chance at the

remote control every now and again…!!
~~~
Sure God created man before woman

but then you always make a rough draft

before the masterpiece.
~~~
The man who says “it can’t be done”….

should not interrupt the woman who is doing it….!!
~~~
The reason God made Woman last

is so he wouldn’t have any advice while creating man.
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There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman.

Neither one works !!
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Whatever a woman does,

she must do twice as well as a man

to be considered half as good…

Luckily, this is NOT difficult !!
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Whatever women do

they must do twice as well as men

to be thought half as good.

Luckily, this is not difficult.
~~~

Woman, without her, man is nothing.

Women are meant to be loved….not to be understood.

Women….can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em.