Funny Women Quotes

A beautiful woman is a paradise to the eyes

and a curse to the purse.
A career woman has to look like a LADY,

act like MAN

and work like a DOG !!

A man of quality is never threatened by a woman of equality.
~NEW !!~

A woman always has the last word

in an argument.

Anything a man says after it

is the beginning of a new argument.
A woman is like a teabag…

You never know how strong she is

until you dip her in hot water.

A woman who seeks to be equal to men lacks ambition.

A woman’s best accessory is a well dressed man.

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s….she changes it more often !!
~NEW !!~

A woman only needs four animals in her life:

a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed, a mink on her back,

and a jackass to pay for it all !

A woman’s place is in control.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
After God made man…he said

“I can do better that that !”.
Ashes to ashes,

Dust to dust.

If it weren’t from women…

Men’s things would rust !
Can you imagine a world without men?

No crime and lots of happy fat women.
For every woman who makes a fool out of some man;

there’s another who makes a man out of a fool.
He’s my comfort, my inspiration, my love.

But I am the captain of my soul.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

I don’t have hot flashes….I have power surges !!
I’d like to be the girl

who used to be me.

(quote from the movie “Shirley Valentine”)
I have PMS and ESP….

that makes me a b****…

who knows it all…!!

If it came out of a woman…you’d better believe it…!!
If men are God’s gift to women….

God must really like gag gifts !!

If sweetness fails and tears don’t work….NAG !!

If the shoe fits, buy it in every color !!

If woman’s work is never done…why start?
If you can’t dazzle them with diamonds….

then baffle ’em with bull !
If you want something said…ask a man;

if you want something done….ask a woman.

I’m allowed to talk until I’m understood !!
It is true that God made men before women,

but it also true that he made a rough draft

before a masterpiece.
It’s the good girls who keep the diaries.

The bad girls never have the time.

(Tallulah Bankhead)
Man has his will…

But, Woman has her way.
Men are a collective hallucination of women.

It’s like when a group of crackpots gets together

on a hilltop and sees flying saucers.
No man is a match for a woman’s tears.
One of life’s mysteries is how a two pound box of candy

can make a woman gain five pounds.
She who wants a knight in shining armor….

must clean up after the horse.
Some people say I’m a grumpy, mean, old witch.

That’s not true.

I have the heart of a kind and gentle soul….

in a jar on my desk.
Some women dream of a night on the town,

of diamonds, of trips around the world.


I’d settle for a chance at the

remote control every now and again…!!
Sure God created man before woman

but then you always make a rough draft

before the masterpiece.
The man who says “it can’t be done”….

should not interrupt the woman who is doing it….!!
The reason God made Woman last

is so he wouldn’t have any advice while creating man.
There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman.

Neither one works !!
Whatever a woman does,

she must do twice as well as a man

to be considered half as good…

Luckily, this is NOT difficult !!
Whatever women do

they must do twice as well as men

to be thought half as good.

Luckily, this is not difficult.

Woman, without her, man is nothing.

Women are meant to be loved….not to be understood.

Women….can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em.

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One Response to Funny Women Quotes

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    class="comment even thread-even depth-1" id="li-comment-9813">
    Kathy McDonald says:

    rate: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    It is better to be alone than to wish you were.

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