Caddyshack Quotes

Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course.
Carl Spackler (Bill Murray): Correct me if I’m wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they’ll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers, rodents!
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don’t even need a reason.

Carl Spackler: This is my own hybrid. It’s a mix between Kentucky Bluegrass and Northern California sensimila. The great thing about this is you can play 36 holes on it and then get smoked to the bejeesus with it.

Carl Spackler: So I jumped ship in Hong Kong, make my way over to Tibet and I get on a course in the Himilayas as a looper. You know, a jock, a caddy. So I tell ’em I’m a projock and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama himself! Twelfth son of the Lama, the flowing robes, bald…striking. So we get up on the first tee, he hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – into a ten thousand foot crevasse right at the base of this glacier. And he says, “Gunga Galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga.” So we get up on 18 and he’s gonna stiff me, and I say, “Hey! Lama! How ’bout, you know, a little something for the effort?” And he says, “There won’t be any money here… but on your death bed,you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that going for me, which is nice.

Carl Spackler: This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion.

* ” “””TY:” You take drugs, Danny?
“DANNY:” Every day.
“TY:” Then what’s your problem?


* “”TY:” I like you, Betty.
“DANNY:” That’s Danny sir.


* “”TY:” I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you. But you were born to rub me first.


* “”TY:” You’re rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.


* “”LACY:” I tried to look you up but there wasn’t a listing for Mr. Wonderful.
“TY:” What spelling did you use?


* “”TY:” There’s a force in the Universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen and be the ball.


* “”TY:” Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You’re not being the ball Danny.


* “”JUDGE SMAILS:” You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. Why, he’s been club champion for three years running and I’m no slouch myself.
“TY:” Don’t sell yourself short judge, you’re a tremendous slouch.


* “”TY:” Oh, Judge, I don’t keep score.
“JUDGE SMAILS:” Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
“Ty:” By height.


* “”DR. BEEPER:” I thought you were gonna’ play me in the tournament.
“TY:” Well I guess you’ll just have to keep playing with yourself.


* “”DR. BEEPER:” I thought you’d be the man to beat this year.
“TY:” I guess you’ll just have to keep beating yourself.


* “”TY:” A flute with no holes is not a flute. A donut with no holes is a danish.


* “”TY:” Me winning isn’t, you do. ”
# ” “””CARL:” Big hitter, the Lama. Long.


# “”CARL:” …And I said, Hey Lama, how ’bout a little something, you know, for the effort? And he says, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed you will receive total consciousness So I got that going for me, which is nice.


# “”CARL:” Mrs. Crane! You’re a little monkey woman, you know that?


# “”CARL:” This crowd has grown deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta’ nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion.


# “”CARL:” It’s in the hole!!


# “”CARL:” If I were you, I’d keep playin’, I don’t think the really heavy stuff’s comin’ down for quite a while.


# “”CARL:” This is a hybrid … of bluegrass, Kentucky bluegrass, featherbed bent and northern California sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this, is that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on the stuff.


# “”CARL:” I’ll slack you off you fuzzy little foreigner.


# “”CARL:” Correct me if I’m wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they’ll lock me up and throw away the key.


# “”CARL:” They’re like the vietcong…varmintcong. So what you got to do…you got to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that’s all she wrote.


# “”CARL:” I smell varmint poontang, and the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.


# “”CARL:” Au revoir Gopher!”

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