Empire Records Quotes



Lucas: “I know this. That if I win this roll, I will save the place where I work from being sold, and the jobs of my friends that work there, thus striking a blow at all that is evil and making this world a better place to live in. And I’ll by you guys a drink.”


Mark: “Hey, Joe, what’s up with the boss threads, man?”
Joe: “Friggin’ Rex Manning day.”
Mark: “What’s up with the hostility, Joe?”


Corey: “Dad says there are twenty-four useable hours in every day.”
Gina: “You absolutely amaze me. You are a nerd.”


AJ: “Mark, listening to this crap is guaranteed to make you sterile.”
Mark: “Well, maybe I want to be sterile.”


Lucas: “In the immortal words of the Doors, ‘The time to hesitate is through’.”


Joe: “Where’s the money?”
Lucas: “Joe. The money is gone.”
Joe: “I know it’s gone. Where’s it one too?”
Lucas: “Atlantic City.”
Joe: “Atlantic City.”
Lucas: “Yeah.”
Joe: “Is it coming back from Atlantic City?”
Lucas: “I don’t think so, Joe.”
Joe: “What’s it doing in Atlantic City?”
Lucas: “Recirculating.”


Lucas: “Joe, I think it’s going to be ok.”
Joe: “What makes you think that?”
Lucas: “Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.”


Corey: “She hates me. ”
Gina: “She hates me too. But I have enough sense to hate her back.”


Joe: “Every minute that goes by that I don’t call the cops, I look like a bigger banana head.”
Lucas: “Joe, I can honestly say that you are not a bigger banana head.”


Lucas: “Well, damn the man.”


Lucas: “In this life there are nothing but possibilities.”
AJ: “Well, that’s good, because I have to tell Corey that I love her by 1:37.”
Lucas: “That’s an excellent time.”


Mark: “Oh! I’ve decided I’m going to start a band.”
Lucas: “Really?”
Mark: “Yeah.”
Lucas: “The first thing you need is a name. Then you’ll know what kind of band you’ve got.”
Mark: “I was kinda thinking about ‘Marc’. What do you think?”
Lucas: “Is that with a ‘c’ or a ‘k’?”
Mark: “Well, um, my name is with a ‘k’, so I was thinking with a ‘c’, so that way it’s kinda like that psychedellic trip thing.”
Lucas: “Always play with their minds.”


AJ: “What’s with you? Yesterday you were normal, and today you’re like the chinese guy from the Karate Kid. What’s with you today?”
Lucas:

“What’s with today today?”


Gina: “Well, Sinead O’Rebellion. Shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behaviour.”
Deb: “That is so clever. I swear, you get smarter the shorter your skirt gets.”
Gina: “And you get smarter the shorter your hair gets, so it’s probably a good thing you went with that. It’s a wonderful look for you, darling.


Mark: “What’s up with that, Gina? huh?”
Gina: “You know it’s too early. It makes the customer’s all crazy like.”


Deb: “So, Lucas, I hear you committed the perfect crime.”
Lucas: “Not entirely perfect.”

Deb: “No visible tattoos.”
Gina: “No revealing clothing.”
Deb: “We’re both screwed. At least you’re used to it.”
Gina: “No, Deborah, don’t be bitter. Certainly with your ever growing collection of self mutilating silver appendages and new neo-nazi bootcamp make over the boys will come a-running.”




Lucas: “The fat man walks alone.”


Gina: “Isn’t it customary to leave the scene after committing the crime?”
Deb: “Definitely an amateur.”


Gina: “Attention Rex Manning fans. To your left you will notice a shoplifter being chased by night manager Lucas. This young man will be caught, deep-fried in a vat of hot oil, and served to our first hundred customers. Just anoher tasty treat from the gang at Empire Records.”


Joe: “How old are you?”
Warren: “Old enought o kick your butt thrrough your head and splatter your brains all over the wall.”
Joe: “Yeah, he’s a juvenile.”



Gina: “Welcome to Musictown. May I service you?”


Lucas: “Mark?”
Mark: “Yeah?”
Lucas: “Who’s your favourite singer?”
Mark: “….Axl.”
Lucas: “Well, if Axl Rose was driving down the highway and he saw Rex Manning stranded on the side of the road, you think Axl Rose would stop and help him?”
Mark: “Does Axl have a jack?”
Warren: “No way man! Axl would spin the wheel, take aim, pound on the gas, and take that sucker out!”
Lucas: “Warren. Warren! Where do you get this hostility from?”


Warren: “Who glued these quarters down?”
A: “I did.”
Warren: “What the hell for, man?”
AJ: “I don’t feel I need to explain my art to you, Warren.”



Jane: “Actually, it tested quite well among teenage males.”
Lucas: “Jane, did you compare the percentage of teenage male Rex Manning fans o the incidents of homosexuality among teenage males?”

Joe: “I want you to hold these against your chest, stand against the wall, and they’re gonna take a photograph of you.”
Warren: “Why dont you go shove them up your *ss?
Lucas: “Because it would hurt a lot, Warren.”


Lucas: “Take care of yourself, Warren. Don’t let the man get you down.”


Corey: “Are you just gonna screw every has-been until your tits fall down and they don’t want you anymore?”


Deb: “So did you really want to do Rex Manning in the count-out room? Is that really how you pictured your first time? You back up against the daily totals, and your feet pounding on the safe. ‘Oh Rexy, you’re so sexy!'”


Deb: “let’s save our Hallmark moment, shall we?”




Lucas: “I did. I wet my bed until I was ten.”


Deb: “I tried to kill myself with a Lady Bic. A pink, plastic razor with daisies on it. It took foreverr just to get through my skin.”


Warren: “Stop calling me Warren! My name isn’t F*CKING Warren”
Eddie: “His name isn’t Warren.”
Corey: “His name isn’t Warren.”
Burko: “His name isn’t Warren?”
Mark: “I thought his name was Warren.”

Eddie: “No, I mean, do you really no where Harvard is? It’s another planet, man. Another universe, totally unlike the one we know. Filled with big blond guys who eat ivy and row boats.”


AJ: “OK, Corey, here it goes. You know that feeling you get when you just stepped out of a warm bath? All warm and refreshed and…You make me ffeel like a bath?!”


Eddie: “Hey, you forgot your thingy!”


Lucas: “Joe, is it ok if I leave tthe couch? ‘Cause I’m gonna leave the couch now…ok? My *ss is falling asleep now so I gotta go!”

Lucas: “You know, a person like you needs to diminish their criminal impulses, not magnify them. Maybe some jazz, or some classical.”
Warren: “Maybe you bite me.”

Joe: “Could you please not sing Mark.”
Mark: “You know what Joe? One of these days I’m going to show you little people.”
Joe: “Yeah, well on that day I’m gonna jump out of my wheelchair and do a dance.”

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