Fletch Movie Quotes

* “FLETCH:” Well, there we’re in a gray area
“FRANK:”: How gray?
“FLETCH:” Charcoal?

* “DR. DOLAN:” Babar…isn’t that a children’s book?
“FLETCH:” I don’t know. I don’t have any.
“DR. DOLAN:” No children?
“FLETCH:” No elephant books.

* “FLETCH:” Aren’t you gonna’ read me my rights?
“COP:” You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to have your face kicked in by me. You have the right to have your balls stomped on by him.
“FLETCH:” I think I’ll waive my rights.

* “FLETCH:” What’s your name? Love? Twinkie?

* “CHIEF KARLIN” (To the arresting officers)Why don’t you two leave us alone?
“FLETCH:” Yeah, go down to the gym and pump each other.

* “FLETCH:” This little proposition doesn’t entail me dressing as Little Bo-Peep, does it?

* “FAT SAM:” I’ve got some reds.
“FLETCH:” You don’t mean communists do you Sammy?

* “FLETCH:” It was something your wife said while we were in bed together. She said we had the same build. From the waist up I imagine.

* “FLETCH:” There has been a lot of drug smuggling on the beach lately. I have been trying to find out who’s behind it, it hasn’t been easy … I don’t shower much.

* “GAIL STANWYCK:” You ordered lunch to my room.
“FLETCH:” Well, I knew that’s where my mouth would be.

* “ALAN STANWYCK:” One thousand just to listen. I don’t see how you can pass that up, Mister – ?
“FLETCH:” Nugent. Ted Nugent.

* “FLETCH:” Shamu’s got one, borrow his.

* “SECRETARY:” I’m sorry, who are you again?
“FLETCH:” I’m Frieda’s boss.
“SECRETARY:” Who’s Frieda?
“FLETCH:” My secretary.

* “RECORDS ROOM NURSE:” May I get you something?
“FLETCH:” You have any of the Beatle’s White Album? Nevermind, just bring me a glass of hot fat, and the head of Alfredo Garcia while you’re over there.

* “CHIEF KARLIN:” Ask anybody.
“FLETCH:” Can I ask anybody now? How about can I call my mom, tell her how much I love her?

* “FLETCH:” Ahhh…that’s a terrific wing. I love that shape.

* “TICKET AGENT:” I’m afraid there is someone sitting next to you.
“FLETCH:” Oh, for gad, garn, darn. Who is it? Mr. Singlinlin?
“AGENT:” No, the name is Cavanaugh.
“FLETCH:” Ah…Cavanaugh. Is that Maurice or Pierre?
“AGENT:” Sally Ann Cavanaugh.
“FLETCH:” Sally Ann? Well, terrific….
“AGENT:” In fact, you purchased the ticket for Miss Cavanaugh.
“FLETCH:” Doesn’t mean I want her sitting next to me, does it?

* “”GAIL STANWYCK:”” She looks like a hooker. Look at her, look at her. Could you love someone who looked like that?
“FLETCH:” What are you talking about? Of course not. Five, ten minutes tops, maybe.

* “FLETCH:” The coroner had certified Stanwyck dead, or extremely sleepy.

* “FLETCH:” Sally Ann and Alan were married eight years ago, never divorced, making Stanwyck a bigamist, even in Utah.

* “FLETCH:” If you shoot me, you’re liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards.

* (Fleeing from the police)
“KID:” Are you a cop?
“FLETCH:” As far as you know. Why? Did you steal this car?
“KID:” I sure did.
“FLETCH:” “FLETCH:” Well, I’m not even sure that’s a crime anymore. There’ve been a lot of changes in the law.

* “HOSPITAL RECEPTIONIST:” Can I help you Dr.–?
“FLETCH:” Oh it’s me, Dr. Rosenpenis. I’m just here to check out Alan Stanwyck’s file.
“FLETCH:” Dr. Rosenrosen, I’m here to get into the records room.
“RECEPTIONIST:” What was that name again?
“FLETCH:” It’s Dr. Rosen, I want to check the records room.
“FLETCH:” Dr. Rosen! Where’s the records room?

* “FLETCH:” I’m John.
“”GAIL STANWYCK:”” Ohhhh, John. John who?
“FLETCH:” John Cock…tos…ton.
“”GAIL STANWYCK:”” That’s a beautiful name.
“FLETCH:” It’s Scotch/Romanian.
“”GAIL STANWYCK:”” That’s an odd combination.
“FLETCH:” So were my parents.

* (At the Doberman Pinscher on his car hood)
“FLETCH:” Look, defenseless babies!

* “FLETCH:” I saw my pimp today.

* “WAITER:” Would you like to order something, sir. I will put it on the Underhills’ bill.
“FLETCH:” Oh, yes. Very well. I’ll have a Bloody Mary, a steak sandwich and a… steak sandwich.

* “FLETCH:” Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.

* “FLETCH:” I would have been here sooner, but a manure-spreader jackknifed on the Santa Ana. You should see my shoes.

* “CHIEF KARLIN:” What’s your name?
“FLETCH:” Fletch.
“CHIEF KARLIN:” What’s your full name?
“FLETCH:” Fletch, F. Fletch.
“CHIEF KARLIN:” What do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?
“FLETCH:” I’m a shepherd.
“CHIEF KARLIN:” Why are you doing this, Mr. Fletch?
“FLETCH:” I like men. I like to be manhandled. I like you.

* “PATHOLOGIST:” Ever seen a spleen that large?
“FLETCH:” No, not since breakfast.

* “MADELINE:” Sugar Mr. Poon?
“FLETCH:” No, never, never…thank you.

* “”ALAN STANWYCK:”” You do own rubber gloves?
“FLETCH:” I rent ’em. I have a lease with an option to buy.

* “FLETCH:” (to Alan Stanwyck) For another grand, I’ll let you take me out to dinner.

* “FLETCH:” Oh, you’ve remodeled the garage. Must have cost you hundreds.

* “FLETCH:” Using the whole fist, Doc?

* “FLETCH:” You know, Utah. It’s wedged in between Wyoming and Nevada. You’ve seen pictures.

* “FLETCH:” I didn’t want to do this, but I’m afraid I’m gonna’ have to pull rank on you. I’m with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses.

* “DOCTOR DOLAN:” I can’t seem to find anything wrong with you Mr. Babar.
“FLETCH:” I’m sure its not from a lack of looking.

* “FLETCH:” Actually, my company is the sub-insurers of a subsidiary carriers of a policy held by Alan Stanwyck, who I believe is your son.

* “FLETCH:” I’m gonna’ need some pliers, and a set of 30 weight ball bearings (it’s all ball bearing nowadays) And I’m gonna’ need about 10 quarts of antifreeze, preferably Prestone. No, make that Quaker State.

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