Vinny (Joe Pesci): What’s a matter with you?
Lisa (Marissa Tomei): I don’t know…
Vinny: You’re actin’ like you’re nervous or somethin’.
Lisa: Well, yeah, I am.
Vinny: What are ya nervous about, I’m the one that’s under the gun here… trial starts tomorrow.
Lisa: You wanna know what I’m nervous about? I’ll tell ya what I’m nervous about. I am in the dark here with all of this legal crap… I have no idea what’s goin’ on. Alls I know is you’re screwin’ up and I can’t help.
Vinny: Ya lent me your little camera, didn’t ya?
Lisa: Oh, Vinny, I’m watchin’ you go down in flames and you’re bringin’ me with you, and I can’t do anything about it.
Lisa: Well, I hate to bring it up because I know you got enough pressure on you already, but, we agreed to get married as soon as you won your first case, meanwhile, 10 years later, my niece, the daughter of my sister, is gettin’ married. My biological clock is tickin’ like this, and the way this case is goin’, I ain’t never gettin’ married!
Vinny: Lisa, I don’t need this. I swear to God, I do not need this right now, kay? I got a judge that’s just achin’ to throw me in jail, an idiot who wants to fight me for two-hundred dollars, slaughtered pigs, giant loud whistles… I ain’t slept in five days, I got no money, a dress code problem, and, a little murder case, which, in the balance, holds the lives of two innocent kids… not to mention, YOUR biological clock, my career, your life, our marriage, and let me see, what else can we pile on!?! Is there anymore shit we could pile on to the top of the outcome of this case?!?!….. Is it possible?
Lisa: ….maybe it was a bad time to bring it up. submitted by Fen
Vinny Gambini: You’re in Ala-fu ckin-bama. You killed a good old boy. There is no way this isn’t going to trial.
Vinny Gambini: I’m here to collect.
J.T.: How ’bout I just kick your ass.
Vinny Gambini: Oh a counter offer. That’s what we lawyers, I’m a lawyer… we call that a counter offer. This is a tough decision you give me here. Get my ass kicked or collect two hundred dollars. I could use a good ass-kickin’, I’ll be perfectly honest with you… no I think I’ll just go with the two hundred.
J.T.: Over my dead body.
Vinny Gambini: You like to renegotiate as you go along. Well here’s my counter offer… do I have to kill you? What if I were just to kick the ever loving shit out of you?
J.T.: In your dreams.
Vinny Gambini: Oh no no… in reality. If I kick the shit out of you, do I get the money?