Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase): I distinctly ordered the antartic blue super sportswagon with the CB and the optional Rally fun pack.
Ed (Eugene Levy): You didn’t order the uh, metallic pea?
Ed: Now, I owe it to myself to tell you, Mr. Griswold, that if you are thinking of taking the tribe cross country, this is the automobile you should be using. The Wagon Queen Family Truckster. You think you hate it now, but wait till you drive it.
Clark: ‘Scuse me homes, what it is bro. I was wondering if you could tell me how to get back on the expressway?
Guy on the street: F k yo’ momma.
Cousin Vicki: I’m going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I’m the best at it.
Clark: Vicki, can I help you with that Kool-aid? Please?
Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid): I don’t know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don’t you, Clark?
Clark Griswold: You’re the gourmet around here, Ed.
Clark: Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?
Cousin Eddie: Oh, nothing but the best.
Rusty: Yeah, it’s been a real drag, Dad. Maybe we can try it some other time. Wally World’s overrated anyway.
Ellen: What do you think?
Clark: I gotta be crazy, I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
Rusty: Dad, you want an aspirin or something?
Clark: We just drove two thousand four hundred and sixty miles just for a little Roy Wally entertainment. The moose says you’re closed, I say you’re open.