H.I. McDonough (Nicholas Cage): These were the happy days, the salad days as they say. And Ed felt that havin’ a critter was the next logical step. It was all she thought about. Her point was that there was too much love and beauty for just the two of us and every day we kept a child out of the world was a day he might later regret havin’ missed.
Ed (Holly Hunter): H.I., I’m barren.
H.I.: At first, I didn’t believe it. That this woman who looked as fertile as the Tennessee Valley could not bear children. But the doctor explained that her insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.
H.I.: Now y’all without sin can cast the first stone. But we thought it was unfair that some should have so many while others should have so few.
H.I.: With the benefit of hindsight, maybe it wasn’t such a hot idea. But at the time, Ed’s little plan seemed like the solution to all our problems and the answers to all our prayers.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: You can’t sell leaf tables and no chairs. Chairs you got a dinette set, no chairs you got privatepart!
H.I.: There’s what’s right and there’s what’s right and never the t’wain shall meet.
H.I.: Sometimes its a hard world for little things.
FBI agent: What did the pajamas look like?
Nathan Sr.: I don’t know, they were jammies they had Yodas and shit on them.
[To store clerk he’s robbing]
H.I.: I’ll be takin’ these Huggies and uh whatever cash you got. You’d better hurry it up, I’m in dutch with the wife.
Old man: Son, you got a panty on your head.
[Evelle is robbing the grocery store.]
Evelle: Balloons. Hey, do these blow up into funny shapes at all?
Grocer: Well, no, unless round is funny.
Ed: If I’m as selfish and irresponsible as you…
H.I.: You’re not that bad.
Ed: If I’m as bas as you, what are we to each other? You and me is just a fool’s paradise.
Gale (John Goodman): Everybody freeze. Everybody get down on the ground.
Old Man: Well which is it young feller? You want me to freeze or get down on the ground? I mean to say if’n I freeze I can’t rightly drop and if’n I drop I’m gonna be in motion.
Edwina McDonough (Holly Hunter): Gimme that baby, you wart-hog from hell!