# “ROMAN:” I tell you what I see when I look out there. I see the undeveloped resources of Minnesota, Northern Wisconsin, and Michigan. I see a syndicated development consortium exploiting over a billion and a half dollars in forest products. I see a paper mill and if the strategic metals are there, a mining operation. A greenbelt between the condos on the lake and a waste management facility focusing on the newest rage in toxic waste, medical refuse. Infected bandages, body parts, IV tubing, contaminated glassware, entrails,syringes, fluids, blood, low grade radioactive waste all safely contained sunken in the lake and sealed for centuries. Now I ask you what do you see?
“CHET:” I just see trees.
# “ROMAN:” The rest of us are all probably going to die of heart attacks and strokes long before you.
“CHET:” (mumbling) I hope so. Wouldn’t that be great. Gee just to see a bunch of people drop that you hate. God that would be something I tell you.
# “CHET:” Afraid of a little bat!! … It buzzed me! We need a plan. It’s bigger than I thought. It’s about a two pounder.
# “ROMAN:” How about the gourmet here, you know what he wanted, hot dogs. You know what they make those things out of, huh Chet, huh? Lips and assholes!
# “ROMAN:” Pontoon boat??!! What the hell are you going to do with a pontoon boat, retake Omaha Beach?
# “ROMAN:” I know that a terrifying story like that coming from the mouth of a recognized authority figure could be traumatizing to kids like yourselves. I know that because I had a similar situation with my Uncle Roy and a story he used to tell about a family who went into the woods and was attacked by a band of escaped Army psycho patients, who’d been subjected to violent, hellish torture behavior modification experiments. It seems they escaped from the metal boxes the Army kept them in, found this family in the woods, fell upon them, slaughtered them and ate them. Well now that story gave me nightmares not to be believed. So, no more thinking about bears, all right.
# (Chet eating the 96 oz. steak)
“ROMAN:” I think that just about does it.
“CHEF:” He’s not done yet.
“ROMAN:” He might take a little while with that last bite, but it will go down.
“CHEF:” That isn’t the last bite.
“ROMAN:” Well sure it is! There’s nothing left there but gristle and fat!
“CHEF:” No problem. Listen, if I can get a dessert down him, do you think you could throw in a couple Paul Bunyan hats for the kids.
# (as they arrive home after Chet eats the Old 96er)
“ROMAN:” Look at the size of the maggots in that meat!