Lloyd: You know what I’m going to get you next Christmas mother? A big wooden cross. So whenever you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it. submitted by Fen
Caroline: How can we both be in the marriage and I’m miserable and you’re content?
Gus (Denis Leary): From now on, the only person who gets to yell is me. Why? Because I have a gun. People who have guns get to do whatever they want. Married people without guns—for instance, you—DO NOT get to do whatever they want! Why? No guns! No guns, no yelling! See? Simple little quiz!
Lloyd: You know, you and my wife have a lot in common. You both think you have some right to life working out the way you want it to, and when it doesn’t, you get to act the way you want. The only trouble with that is someone has to be responsible.
I’d love to run around and take classes and play with my inner-self! I’d love the freedom to be some pissed-off criminal with no responsibilities, except I don’t have the time! But you don’t see me with a gun. And you don’t see me sleeping with someone else. You think my life turned out the way I wanted because I live in this house? You think every morning I wake up, look in the mirror and say “Gee I’m glad I’m me and not some 19-year-old billionaire rockstar with the body of an athlete and a 24-hour erection!” No I don’t! So just excuse the shit out of me!
Lloyd: Caroline, the day you see anything through to the end, I’ll stick my own d * * k in my ear.