Arrested Development Quotes

Arrested Development Quotes

Tobias: I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will, so now I’m afraid i have something of a mess on my hands.
Michael: There’s just so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.

“Illusion Michael. A trick is something whores do for money. Or Coke.”
(Gob)

“I’m a failure. I can’t even fake the death of a stripper.”
(Gob)

“I’ve made a huge mistake.”

[footage of Tobias trying on a Speedo with his cut-offs on] Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?
(Tobias)

– more Arrested Development quotes –

Mae ‘Maebe’ Funke: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?
Michael: That’s a cross.
Mae ‘Maebe’ Funke: Across from where?

“Hey, Buster hit her. I just gave her the roofie.”
(Gob)

Michael: I really think the reason you and I always fight is that, since we were little, Dad’s always played us off each other.
Gob: Dad always said that was your fault.

Tobias Fünke: Dont leave your uncle teabag hanging.
George Michael Bluth: Dont call it that.

“I’m dating this Christian girl right now. She wants me to be honest and reconnect with my son. And I’m trying to get her to renounce God and ***k me, but I just want to prove to her that I’m worth it.”
(Gob)

“Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul.”
(Tobias)

Lucille Bluth: Did that Mexican girlfriend of yours kick you out?
Gob: She’s not “*that* Mexican,” Mom, she’s “*my* Mexican.” And she’s Colombian or something.

– more Arrested Development quotes –

Lindsay Funke: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.
Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want the belt to buckle, not your chair. [server sets a dessert of Bananas Foster on fire]
Lucille: You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it.
Lindsay Funke: That’s funny, ’cause I was gonna say “You might wanna lean away from that fire since you’re soaked in alcohol.”
Lucille: Mine was better.

“Tobias was a never nude, which is exactly what it sounds like.”
(Narrator)

Buster: [about Lucille] It’s like she gets off on being witholding.
Michael: Whoa. Buster.
Gob: Look who’s got something to say.
Buster: [impersonating Lucille] I’m Mom and I want to shoot down everything you say so I feel good about myself. [everyone laughs]
Gob: Look who’s ragging on the old lady.
Buster: Cause I’m an uptight [long bleep], Buster [Long bleep] … you old horny slut.
Michael: [pause] Well, no one’s going to top that.

Lucille: If you’re suggesting I play favorites, you’re wrong. I love all of my children equally.
Lucille: [earlier that day] I don’t care for Gob.

Tobias Fünke: Do you see me more as the respected dramatic actor or more of the beloved comic actor?
Carl Weathers: Whoa, whoa, whoa. There’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going.
Tobias Fünke: Yes, that’s fine, but I would like to focus on my acting, Mr. Weathers. I did give you my last $1, 100.
Carl Weathers: Let me tell you a little story about acting. I was doing this Showtime movie, Hot Ice with Anne Archer, never once touched my per diem. I’d go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup… baby, I got a stew going.
Tobias Fünke: [pause] I think I’d like my money back.

“I’m an ideas man Michael. I think I proved that with “F**k Mountain”.”
(Gob)

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