A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
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A mediocre idea that generates enthusiasm
will go further than a great idea
that inspires no one.
(Mary Kay Ash)
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A meeting is an event which the minutes are kept
and the hours are lost.
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After any salary raise,
you will have less money at the end of the month
than you did before.
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All stressed out with no one to strangle.
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Any job worth doing is worth doing well.
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Are you a ray of sunshine everyday..??
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Ask me tomorrow what it means.
(Wesley Unseld)
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Attitude is everything !
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Attitude…??? What attitude…???
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Attitudes are contagious…..is yours worth catching?
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Be nice or get out !!
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Because “Nice” matters…
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Before I started working here…
I drank and smoked and used foul language…
for no reason whatsoever.
But now, thanks to my job,
I have a reason !
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Being organized interferes with my creativity.
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Burning the midnight oil ~!~
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Business before pleasure.
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Calling in ugly is NOT a viable excuse for missing work !
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Coming together is a beginning;
Keeping Together is progress;
Working together is success.
(Henry Ford)
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Do they ever shut-up on your planet???
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Does being good at being stupid count?
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Don’t ask me….I was hired for my looks !
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Don’t be irreplaceable.
If you can’t be replaced,
you can’t be promoted.
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Don’t criticize my knowledge….correct your ignorance !!
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Don’t give me problems…give me solutions…!!
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Don’t play stupid with me…I’m better at it!
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Don’t rush me !
I’m making misteaks as fast as I can !
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Employees caught speaking Spanish
will be paid in Pesos !
(seen in an auto-body shop on a sign)
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Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it.
Autograph yours with excellence.
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Everyone is entitled to my opinion…
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Famous last words…”Don’t worry, I can handle it !!”.
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Final Offer:
What an experience negotiator makes
before he starts making concessions.
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First thing in the morning…eat a frog.
Nothing worse can happen to you all day.
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For something to become clean, something must become dirty.
(seen on a sign at a pizza restaurant)
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Getting anything done around here is like mating elephants:
1. It’s done on a high level.
2. It’s accomplished with a great
deal of roaring and screaming.
3. And it takes two years to get results.
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Hard work is the yeast that raises the dough.
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Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
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Hard work never hurt anybody.
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Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance !
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Hassle with Care !
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Have a nice day….somewhere else !!
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Hire a teenager, quick,
while they still know everything !!
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I believe no problem is so large or so difficult
that is can’t be blamed on somebody else ….!!
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I can only please one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow is not looking good either.
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I don’t get headaches….I give them !
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I don’t have a solution, but I admire the problem.
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I don’t have an attitude problem,
you have a perception problem.
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I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it !
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I don’t want the world…I just want your half !!
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I give 100% to my job.
10% on Mondays,
20% on Tuesdays,
50% on Wednesdays
15%on Thursdays,
and 5% on Fridays !!
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I have an occupational disease…
I’m sick of working !!
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I have one nerve left…
and you’re getting on it !!
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I like your approach…now let’s see your departure.
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I love deadlines.
I especially like the “whooshing” sound
they make as they go flying by !!
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I meant to do my work today,
but a brown bird sang in the apple tree,
and a butterfly flitted across the field,
and all the leaves were calling me.
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I never let the facts interfere with my opinion.
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I only employee teenagers,
because they know everything !!
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I only know what people tell me.
(Lew Archer)
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I owe…I owe…it’s off to work I go !
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I pretend to work…they pretend to pay me.
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I strive for excellence, not perfection.
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I used to be disgusted — now I’m amused.
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I work just like I get paid.
A little bit each each week!
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I work to live….I don’t live to work.
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I’d enjoy the day more if I started later !
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I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
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I’d quit my job…but it’s the only place I get any sleep.
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If a messy desk means a messy mind,
what does a blank desk mean ??
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If crying and pouting don’t work….BITCH !!
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If I agree with you…
will you shut up ??
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If I want your opinion,
I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
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If it is to be, it is up to me.
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If idiots could fly….this place would be an airport !!
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If it wasn’t for the last minute,
nothing would get done.
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If you are grouchy, irritable or just plain mean…
there will be a $10 charge for putting up with you !
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If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
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If you can’t run with the big dogs,
stay on the porch !
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If you don’t know where you are going,
you’ll probably end up somewhere else.
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If you don’t like my attitude….
call 1-800-who-cares !!!
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If you haven’t got time to do it right,
when will you find the time to do it over?
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If you needed it today
why don’t you wait
and order it tomorrow.
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If you want a thing done well, do it yourself.
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If you’re going to panic, do it constructively !!
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I’ll try being nicer…If you’ll try being smarter !
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I’m a responsible person.
If something goes wrong,
I’m responsible !
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I’m a temperamental person….
95 % temper and 5 % mental !!
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I’m depressed, nobody’s after my job.
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I’m not deaf. I’m ignoring you.
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I’m only working until I win the lottery.
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I’m trying to arrange my life so
that I don’t ever have to be present.
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Inspiration come of working every day.
(Charles Baudelaire)
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Is it 5:00 yet ??
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Is there such thing as a gruntled employee ???
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It Ain’t Easy !!!
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It infuriates me to be wrong…
When I know I’m right !!
(Moliere)
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It is often easier to fight for principles
than to live up to them.
(Adlai Stevenson)
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It sure make the day long
when you get to work on time !
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It’s a tough job ! So, I’d rather YOU do it…!!!
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It’s been Monday all week !
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It’s better to keep your mouth shut and look stupid
than to say something and leave no doubt about it !
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Just when you thought you were winning the rat race,
along come faster rats.
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Many hands make light work !
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Mental backup in progress…do not disturb !!
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Mind like a steel trap…rusty and illegal in 37 states.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
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Mornings wouldn’t be so bad…If they just started later !!
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My cow died so I don’t need your BULL anymore !
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My mind works like lightening….one brilliant flash and it’s gone !!
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My take home pay won’t even take me home !
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No Admittance…if on business…go to Office…
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No Brains….No Headaches !
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No matter how busy I am,
I’m never too busy to stop
and talk about how busy I am.
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No Questions Please…I haven’t had my second cup of coffee yet!!!
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Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute !!
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Of course, I don’t look busy. I did it right the first time…
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Of course I need it today !!
If I wanted it tomorrow,
I’d order it tomorrow !
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Office angel, my guardian dear,
Help me with the workload here…
Guide my hands through this paper mess,
And help me deal with deadline stress.
Amen.
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Office Arithmetic
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
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One day I’ll learn to keep my mouth shut.
Until then, close your ears.
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Only Robinson Crusoe had everything
done by FRIDAY !!
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Our policy is to always blame the computer !
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Out of my mind….back in 5 minutes.
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People who are organized…are just too lazy to look for it !!
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Please be patient…
I only work here
because I’m too old for a paper route
and too young for social security.
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Poor planning on your part
does not constitute an
automatic emergency on my part.
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Put up with me !! I won’t put up with you.
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Quiet please…genius at work!!
Mistakes made while you wait…
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Save time….do it MY way…!!!
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Science may never come up with
a better office communication system
than the coffee break.
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Shock Me…..say something intelligent.
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Smile…it confuses people !!!
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Stressed……ME????
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The next raise you get will be just enough
to put you into a higher tax bracket;
but not enough to make any difference
in your take home pay.
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Take care !
The toes you step on today
may be connected
to the A** that you have
to kiss tomorrow.
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Teamwork is vital…it gives you someone to blame.
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Tell me what you need,
and I will tell you
how to get along without it…!!
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Thank God it’s MONDAY !!
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The best man for the job …is a woman !
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The boss said a little work never hurt anyone,
but I’m not taking any chances.
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The expert at anything was once the beginner.
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The first myth of management is that it exists.
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The hardest thing of all to give is…..IN
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The last person who quit or was fired
will be held responsible
for everything that goes wrong.
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The trouble about being in a rat race is…
even if you win,
you are still a rat !!
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There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
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There is absolutely no substitution for a genuine lack of preparation.
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There is no job so simple that it can’t go wrong.
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There is no problem I can’t handle….”I have kids !”
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There is no task so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
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They can’t fire me….slaves have to be sold.
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This isn’t a desk…it’s a landfill !
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This job is a test, it is only a test.
If this had been an actual job
you would have received raises,
promotions and other
signs of appreciation.
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This place would fall apart if it wasn’t for me.
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To err is human, to forgive is NOT our policy.
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Two rules to be a good employee:
Rule #1: The boss is always right.
Rule #2: When the boss is wrong…see Rule #1 !!
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Was today really necessary ?
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We do precision guesswork !
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We don’t make mistakes, we do variations.
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We don’t teach people to be nice.
We simply hire nice people.
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Welcome to the ZOO !
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When opportunity knocks….
some people only complain about the noise.
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When we go to get listed on the NASDAQ
we want to go with shiny shoes.
(saying by CEO of a company)
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When work is a pleasure, life is a joy.
When work is a duty, life is slavery.
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Work is for people that don’t how to golf !!
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Work is like a rodeo
You put up with a lot of “BULL”
And there’s always some “CLOWN”
That thinks he runs the show.
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Work smart, Not hard.
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Work with me people !!!
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You can go anywhere you want if you
look serious and carry a clipboard.
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You don’t have to be crazy to work here…
but it helps !!
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You want me to do WHAT ???
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Your work habits are your signature of life.
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49 % Nasty and 51 % Nice
Don’t Push It !!
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