Funny Diet Quotes

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

A balanced diet is two hands in the honey pot.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Better to have peace of mind than a piece of cake!

Brain cells come and brain cells go…but fat cells last forever.

Broken cookies…have no calories..!!

By the time I’m thin, fat will be in.

Decide to control your stomach instead of letting it control you!

Dieting is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Dieting is wishful shrinking…!!


Diet Rule #2

Never weigh more than your refrigerator !


Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we may diet.

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

Everything tastes good when you’re on a diet.

Ewe is fluffy !!

(I saw this on signs & t-shirts depicting a little fat sheep)

Ewes not fat….ewes fluffy !!

God can liberate us from slavery to the stomach!

God must have loved calories….he made so many of them !!

Hey, I’m not fat! I’m just a nutritional overachiever.

How can I go on a diet? The fridge is still full !

How to lose weight….eat stuff you hate !!

I am built for comfort, not speed.


I don’t have an eating problem.

I eat….I get fat.

I buy new clothes.

No Problem !


I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I just ate my will power!


I keep trying to lose weight…but it keeps finding me!

It’ll never find me this time !!

(this saying was seen depicted by a little pink pig hiding behind a cake)


I may be fat but you’re ugly, and I can diet !


I never met a calorie I didn’t like!


I was cut out to be thin…

But God sewed me up wrong !


I’d give up chocolate… but I’m not a quitter !!


If you gain five pounds….it’s water.

If you lose five pounds….it’s weight.


If at first you don’t succeed…have a chocolate!

(or cookie, ice cream, etc.)


I’ll know better why I’m dieting after I’m done.

I’m not fat….I’m fluffy !!

If stress burned calories…I would be a size 3 !!

I’m not fat…I’m just festively plump !

I’m not letting my stomach push me around anymore!

I’m not overweight…I’m under tall !!

I’m on the 30 day diet….so far I’ve lost 12 days.


I’ve been on a diet for two weeks.

So far … I’ve all I’ve lost is fourteen days !


Let’s go on a starvation diet…no chocolate for 24 hours.

Lord…if I can’t be skinny…Please make all my friends fat !!!


Lord, if I must get my just desserts,

please make them chocolate.


Milk does the body good,

but DAMN….

How much did you drink ?!?


Most people eat to live….I live to eat !


My new diet goal:

to weigh what my drivers license says.


Never eat more than you can lift.

(Miss Piggy)

No diet is impossible….hopeless maybe….but not impossible !

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.


One of life’s mysteries is how a two pound box of candy

can make a woman gain five pounds.


One should eat to live, not live to eat !!

Sad fact….square meals make round people !!


Some do Richard Simmons,

some do Jane Fonda,

I do Sara Lee !!


Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Taste makes waist !


The two biggest sellers in any bookstore

are the cookbooks and the diet books.

The cookbooks tell you how to

prepare the food and the

diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.


There is no love sincerer than the love of food.

There is no such think as cheating just a little!

There’s much more to life than lunch!

Those who indulge…..bulge !!

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.


Wake me up when I am a size 5!!!


We have more food to eat than any other

people in the world,

and more diets to keep us from eating it.


Willpower is eating just one salted peanut.

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3 Responses to Funny Diet Quotes

  1. DREAMER says:

    inside me theres a thin girl trying to get out but i usually shut the bitch up with chocolate

  2. Leslie Smithwick says:

    Food Lover

    Love equates with food.
    Food equates with love.
    Love is lost due to these equations.
    Time to diet again.

  3. Elizabeth Petruccione says:

    Don’t DIET! EDIT!
    by Elizabeth petruccione

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