* “GEORGE:” Aren’t those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?
“NEWMAN:” Sometimes…
“JERRY:” Why is that?
“NEWMAN:” Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there’s never a let-up. It’s relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get it out but the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in. And then the bar code reader breaks and it’s Publisher’s Clearing House day!!!
* “JERRY:” Well you shoulda seen the pile of albums this old guy I was visiting today was throwing away: Sinatra, Duke Ellington, Al Jolson, Benny Goodman…
“KRAMER:” Wait, wait, wait, now… He’s throwin them out?
“JERRY:” Yeah, and then I asked him if my friend could have them and he said yeah.
“KRAMER:” Okay…
“NEWMAN:” (In Kramer’s ear) The old coot’s sittin’ on a mountain of gold!
* “RON:” Twenty bucks.
“NEWMAN:” Twenty bucks?!? Are you out of your mind?
“RON:” Well, take it or leave it.
“NEWMAN:” Take it or leave it!? We got Al Jolson here, Al Jolson!!
“RON:” Now what the Hell do I care about Al Jolson. I’d just assume her you sing “Mammy”. Heh heh heh…
“KRAMER:” (In Newman’s ear) This guy’s nothin’ but a piece of crap…
“NEWMAN:” You are nothing but a piece of crap.
“RON:” Pardon me?
“KRAMER:” (In Newman’s ear) A piece of crap…
“NEWMAN:” A piece of crap.
“KRAMER:” (In Newman’s ear) I find you extremely ugly…
“NEWMAN:” I find you extremely ugly.
“RON:” Do you?
“KRAMER:” (In Newman’s ear) You emit a foul and unpleasant odour…
“NEWMAN:” You emit a foul and unpleasant odour.
“RON:” Oh, is that right?
“KRAMER:” (In Newman’s ear) I loathe you…
“NEWMAN:” I loathe you.
“RON:” That’s it. Get out of my store!
“KRAMER:” (In Newman’s ear) Make us.
“NEWMAN:” Make us!
Cheers
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* “MRS. SEINFELD:” Jerry was necking during Schindler’s List?
“NEWMAN:” Yes, and a more offensive spectacle I cannot recall. speaker (75 K .wav)
* “NEWMAN:” He was moving on her like storm troopers into Poland. (Referring again to Schindler’s List)
* “JERRY:” Newman, you wouldn’t eat broccoli if it was deep-fried in chocolate sauce.
“NEWMAN:” I love broccoli. It’s. . .good for you.
“JERRY:” Than you wouldn’t mind trying piece.
“NEWMAN:” Gladly. (Newman chews it, then spits it out) VILE WEED!!
* “NEWMAN:” Hawaii. The most sought after postal route of them all. Where the air so dewy sweet, you don’t even have to lick the stamps.
* “NEWMAN:” I want the year 2000 to be…Jerry free!
* “NEWMAN:” I guess I can live with a LITTLE Jerry if it will get me a LOT of Elaine. (followed by an obscene sound-effect)
* “NEWMAN:” Kramer-Butter-Kramer-Butter…”(Newman thinking about Kramer as food when Kramer uses butter on his skin)
* “KRAMER:” Good. Here’s my collateral.
“EARL:” So it’s a mailbag, so what?
“NEWMAN:” So what? Do you know whose mailbag that is?
“EARL:” (Reading) David Berkowitz.
“NEWMAN:” Son of Sam. The worst mass murderer the post office ever produced.
* “NEWMAN:” Take me! Take me, Jerry!
“JERRY:” Oh, forget it! Pull yourself together! You’re making me sick! Be a man!
“NEWMAN:” All right! But hear me, and hear me well. The day will come–Oh, yes! Mark my words, Seinfeld! Your day of reckoning is coming when an evil wind will blow through your little play world and wipe that smug smile off your face! And I’ll be there, in all my glory, watching–watching as it all comes crumbling down! (He laughs maniacally as leaves)